2009-6-21 上海中考英语作文试题评析

(以I want to do something for my school（我想为学校做一件事） 为题写-篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。）（注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、校名及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。）

学生习作1

I want to make school clean. You may think it is very simple. But I don't think so. Our teacher said, School is your home, you should keep it clean.But I have never done anything to make school clean. For example, I have never told my classmate to pick up rubbish after he threw it on the ground. I also threw the rubbish on the ground. So I want to make school clean so that everyone can forgive me. During this summer holiday, I will go to school to make school clean. Of course, I will do it with my classmates. We will make school clean every weekends next term as well. Now, do you think it is simple?

评析

此文分三层，先提出自己的观点，然后写出自己怎么做的，最后写了我可以让我的学校变得干净让每个人宽恕我，结尾紧扣全文，写出我会怎么做。

全文立意新颖，区别于传统的作文，有自己的生活背景，写出了从我原来是怎么做到现在的转变过程，没有重大的语法错误，是一篇值得参考的好文章。

(以I want to do something for my school（我想为学校做一件事） 为题写-篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。）（注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、校名及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。）

学生习作1

I want to make school clean. You may think it is very simple. But I don't think so. Our teacher said, School is your home, you should keep it clean.But I have never done anything to make school clean. For example, I have never told my classmate to pick up rubbish after he threw it on the ground. I also threw the rubbish on the ground. So I want to make school clean so that everyone can forgive me. During this summer holiday, I will go to school to make school clean. Of course, I will do it with my classmates. We will make school clean every weekends next term as well. Now, do you think it is simple?

评析

此文分三层，先提出自己的观点，然后写出自己怎么做的，最后写了我可以让我的学校变得干净让每个人宽恕我，结尾紧扣全文，写出我会怎么做。

全文立意新颖，区别于传统的作文，有自己的生活背景，写出了从我原来是怎么做到现在的转变过程，没有重大的语法错误，是一篇值得参考的好文章。